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 "Conversations of the Antedilluvians"

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Nombre de messages : 205
Age : 118
Localisation : Mont-yial!
Date d'inscription : 05/09/2008

MessageSujet: "Conversations of the Antedilluvians"   Lun 20 Avr - 22:54

pour ceux que ça intéresse, des conversations imaginées par des fans à propos des antédilluviens dans Vampires: The Masquerade.

voilà le premier extrait sur la provenance des vampires:

<shuffling and muttering sounds>

VENTRUE: Okay, guys, sit down. I suppose you're wondering why I've
called you all here.

TOREADOR: I should think so. I have an engagement in two hours that I
simply MUST attend, and I don't want to be late.

VENTRUE: Yeah, yeah. Order. <banging noise> Well, I don't know about
you guys, but my Progeny have been asking some rather ...
embarassing questions, and I--

MALKAV: Just tell them that when a Mummy and a Daddy love each other
very much--

VENTRUE: Shut up, Malkav. Anyway, they want to know where we come from,
why, how, the whole bit. I think it's time we had an answer
for them.

<silence>

BRUJAH: Well, what are you asking us for? WE don't fucking know.

SAULOT: LANGUAGE!

BRUJAH: Sorry.

VENTRUE: What about you, Ralph? You seem to have your nose in every-
thing.

NOSFERATU: No, I am ... no longer called "Ralph." From this day forward,
you shall call me: "Nosferatu."

<silence>

RAVNOS: I dunno, man. Ralph suits you.

NOSFERATU: No! I REFUSE to be stuck with that name.

VENTRUE: Leave him alone Ravnos.

TOREADOR: Actually, while we're on the subject ...

VENTRUE: What is it now?

TOREADOR: I have taken the pseudonym "Toreador."

<more silence>

HASSAM: You've never even SEEN a bull, let alone fight one, Norman.

TOREADOR: LEAVE ME ALONE !!!

RAVNOS: I was gonna say something about "full of ..." Oh, never mind.

VENTRUE: SHALL we get back to business?

LASOMBRA: I think "Nosferatu" sounds cool actually, Ralph.

NOSFERATU: And it's a lot easier to say when you can't retract your fangs.

VENTRUE: GENTLEMEN!

<silence>

VENTRUE: Okay, any ideas?

TZIMISCE: Uh ...

VENTRUE: Yes, Tzimisce?

TZIMISCE: Yas. Do you think it vaz a disease, perrrhaps?

SAULOT: Nnnnnnno ... I don't think so. I'd know about it by now if it
was.

MALKAV: Ooo! Ooo! I've got an idea!

VENTRUE: <groan> What?

MALKAV: Ooo! Ooo! We're ALL ... aliens! Yeah! From the planet ...
Yuggoth!

BRUJAH: Malkav?

MALKAV: Yeah?

BRUJAH: Drop dead.

<silence>

MALKAV: Ain't it just TOO BAD you don't have Dominate?

BRUJAH: REAL men don't NEED Dominate!

<thud>

MALKAV: Owww!

RAVNOS: Okay, I've got it.

VENTRUE: Yes?

RAVNOS: They're not REALLY vampires, they just THINK they are.

VENTRUE: Hmmm ... not bad ... but then the dumb ones will try to prove
you wrong by taking a sunbake.

LASOMBRA: SO? Weeds out the stupid ones, less of a population problem,
less nosey Progeny asking silly questions.

TOREADOR: Lasombra, you are perverted.

LASOMBRA: Hey, am I my brother's keeper?

TZIMISCE: He has a valid point, frrriend.

TOREADOR: Sickening creatures.

<sniggering>

SAULOT: Brother's keeper ... hey! That reminds me! You know those
guys who wear the funny tea towels on their heads--

HASSAM: WATCH it, three-eyes.

SAULOT: Sorry. Anyway, they have this old story about this one guy who
kills his brother and gets cursed, see ...

SUTEKH: Cursssed, you sssay? Hmmm ... I like it!

NOSFERATU: Yeah, but if YOU say it, no-one will believe it.

TREMERE: I know! We did it by magick!

<silence>

BRUJAH: Who the hell are you?

TREMERE: Oh. Tremere, Arrogant Scheming Mage at your service!

SAULOT: Hang on, you're not supposed to be here until A.D. 1314!

TREMERE: So? I'm an Oracle of Time. I'll be when I want.

VENTRUE: A mortal, eh? Hey, Tremere!

TREMERE: Yeah?

VENTRUE: GET OUT.

TREMERE: Sure. <slam> <muffled> Damn. Must learn how to do that.

VENTRUE: Now, we might be onto something with this "curse" business. We
haven't heard from Gangrel yet, and we need a female opinion
at this juncture. What do you think, Gangrel?

<silence>

VENTRUE: Gangrel?

<more silence>

VENTRUE: Anybody seen Gangrel?

RAVNOS: Errr, actually, we've had a bit of a disagreement ...

MALKAV: Awww, doesn't Mummy wuv you any more?

RAVNOS: Suck off.

MALKAV: DOES she do it doggy-style?

<biff>

RAVNOS: Thank you, Brujah.

BRUJAH: No prob, bro.

VENTRUE: Okay, so what gives with this curse thing?

SAULOT: Well, they say that the first two sons of the first man had to
give offerings to God. The first brother gave plants and
stuff, and the second brother gave animal blood.

ALL: Yeah! Alright! Sounds great! Cool!

SAULOT: So the older one -- Cain, I think -- killed Abel, the younger
one, and was cursed by God for the very first murder.

HASSAM: Innovative man, this Cain.

SUTEKH: Ssso, we're dessscended from a psssychopathic greengrocccer.
How about we're dessscended from the MURDERED one, ssso that
we are the CHOSSSEN of God, the INHERITORSSS of DIVINE POWER,
the--

MALKAV: You REALLY have a God complex, don't you Sutekh? Tell me
about your mother. Did she lock you in a cupboard? Or--

<biff>

BRUJAH: Final warning, kook.

VENTRUE: Sutekh, please, stop standing on your chair.

TREMERE: I like the "cursed by God" thing, actually.

VENTRUE: How did YOU get in here?

TREMERE: Correspondence. Don't you know ANYTHING? Hey, Saulot!

SAULOT: Yeah?

TREMERE: I JUST worked out where I've seen you before. Could I have a
word with you outside? It won't take more than five minutes.
Promise.

SAULOT: Sure. You seem like a decent enough fellow.

<slam>

LASOMBRA: Wonder what he wants ... anyway ...

TOREADOR: I think I prefer the older brother. He's a charming, regal
figure who diligently sacrifices for his Lord, but is consumed
by jealousy into a desperate act -- which he regrets later, of
course -- but TOO LATE to avoid the harsh judgment of an
UNCARING God, and is DOOMED to wander the earth, OUTCAST from
his fellow man! Oh, the horror! Oh, the HUMANITY! Oh, the
ANGST!

BRUJAH: What's an "angst"?

SUTEKH: Oh, it'sss a kind of a crossss, but with a loopy bit on top.
My guysss love 'em.

BRUJAH: Oh. <pause> I don't get it ...

TOREADOR: Philistines.

<scream from outside>

TZIMISCE: Vat the hell vas that?

NOSFERATU: Sounded like Saulot. HEY! YOU GUYS SHUT UP OUT THERE!

<door opens>

TREMERE: Oh, sorry, uhhh ... Saulot says to say that, uhhh, he ... had
to leave -- real quick, like ... uhhh, but he was REAL happy
about it, and, uhhh, he was glad he caught up with you guys
again.

NOSFERATU: Is it me, or does he look kinda pale?

VENTRUE: Who cares? Getting back to this curse thing ...

LASOMBRA: So, are we his direct Progeny, then? 'Cos if so, how come we
don't know where he is now?

MALKAV: Errr, he made us, then ran away. Really fast.

RAVNOS: No, no, no, he made some OTHER guys first, and then THEY made
US ...

TOREADOR: And he repented of The Horror He Had Unleashed Upon The Earth!
And banished himself from the sight of ALL!

MALKAV: AND ran away really fast.

TOREADOR: If you must.

VENTRUE: But how come we're all so different?

TOREADOR: The Curse works in Mysterious Ways ...

NOSFERATU: Yeah! I used to be the most handsome man in the world ...

RAVNOS: Yeah, right.

LASOMBRA: And I had a reflection!

BRUJAH: Can I have been a philosopher?

RAVNOS: And Toreador used to have taste ...

MALKAV: And I used to be insane!

<silence>

VENTRUE: I think we might be pushing our luck here.

SUTEKH: Any BETTER ideasss?

VENTRUE: Well, let's put it to a vote, then. Magick?

TREMERE: Aye.

VENTRUE: That's one.

<silence>

VENTRUE: Okay, aliens from the planet Yuggoth?

MALKAV: Twenty-three.

VENTRUE: Your multiple personalities don't count, Malkav.

MALKAV: Awww ...

VENTRUE: The chosen son of God? ... Sutekh, Lasombra, Tzimisce. Any
others?

HASSAM: Aye.

VENTRUE: Okay, that's four. Cursed children of a psychopathic green-
grocer? ... That's four, plus myself, five.

<groans>

LASOMBRA: Swinging the vote, you black-balling bureaucrat!

VENTRUE: If you don't like it, go and form your OWN group.

LASOMBRA: Maybe I will.

VENTRUE: Okay, then, I charge all of you to disperse this data to your
Progeny, and I'll have MY people send out memos in triplicate
to YOUR people before the start of the next fiscal year.
Meeting adjourned! <banging noise, general muttering and
shuffling> Drinks anyone?

MALKAV: I think Tremere just ate. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhh ...

TZIMISCE: Vy did you throw him out ze window, Bruhah?

BRUJAH: I dunno, man, just something I had to do ... <sulking> none of
you understand me, anyway ...

HASSAM: <whispered> Hey, Tremere!

TREMERE: What?

HASSAM: Saulot -- you did him in, didn't you? You snuffed him. Sucked
him dry.

TREMERE: Uhhh ... yeah, I did.

<silence>

HASSAM: What's it like?


un autre sur les faiblesses de clans:

<Ventrue> Okay folks. We have another problem. The "kids" want to know how
we tell each other apart...what makes us unique.

<Toreador> That's easy...we are all unique...special..beautiful in our own
way we--

<Brujah> Shut the hell up. He means like what separates CLANS you
pantywaiste.

<Malk> Never waste panties...Too hard to find this time of year.

<Ventrue> Yes Brujah. What makes us...fit into a...Category. What makes us
into our CLAN.

<Brujah> Yeah..just another way for the "man" to keep an eye on us.

<Malk> What man? Where? ::looks under the table::

<Brujah> Shut up before I mash you kook.

<Ventrue> ::sighs:: Any suggestions?

<Toreador> Signature Clothing?

<Tremere> Necklaces? Mystical pendants?

<Malk> Cheese...Different Cheeses assigned to each clan. There are alot of
different types to chose from you know?

<Brujah> ::looks to Nosferatu:: Yeah..lemme guess who Limburger is....

<Nos> .....I heard that.

<Ventrue> I was thinking more along the lines...of a weakness...a..subtle
flaw, or characteristic.

<Malk> I call Kryptonite!!!

<Brujah> ::smashes him on the head:: Than i must have a Kyrptonite fist. SHUT
UP.

<Malk> uoonnrk.

<Ventrue> Okay...Brujah...yours will be your temper and violence...For
obvious reasons.

<Brujah> TEMPER? WHAT TEMPER? .....fricking suits....You'd be pissed too if
you had to sit between Nos and Malk.

<Ventrue> ::coughs:: Torrie, since you love art...you will be known as the
artist clan.

<Toreador>::sighs, dramatically:: Tragic...yet...beautiful. Agreed.

<Malk> ::mutters in a small voice:: I still want Kryptonite.

<Brujah> ::SMACK:: Hehe. Temper..okay..Cool... im liking this.

<Malk> Unnnggh.

<Nos> ::Scratches his chin causing skin to flake off:: And my..flaw?

<Long Silence>

<Ventrue> ::shivers:: We'll get back to you, Nos... Gangrel....Yours will
be...everytime you frenzy..you look more like an animal.

<Gangrel> WHAT? What do you mean "You look more like
an animal??"

<Ventrue> It starts off small...you know....fur....deep voice....maybe
horns....

<Gangrel> WHAT??? Oh COME on...Torrie gets to moon over stupid drawings and I
get a fricking BEAK? Yeah...that's REAL fair...::grumbles into a growl::

<Assamite> And I?

<Tremere> You can't drink kindred blood..::laughs::It's poison. Your hair
falls out and you look like him. ::points to Nos::

<Ventrue> Agreed.

<Nos> ....Still waiting....

<silence, Malk giggles>

<Assamite> Why does TREMERE get to pick my weakness.

<Tremere> Lump it pal.

<Ventrue> Tremere...if Assamite can't drink kindred blood....then you have to
drink from..all of your elders.

<Malk> No one got Kryptonite?

<Brujah> ::BAP:: Temper.. LOVE it.

<Ventrue> Lasombra....hmm...no reflection.

<Lasombra> You should give THAT to Nos.....

<Stifled giggling from Malk>

<Nos> ...Im Still waiting...

<Ventrue> ::coughs:: Er, Be right with you Nos.....Is that acceptable
Lasombra?

<Lasombra> Yeah....but you guys have to tell me when I have something on my
chin.

<Ventrue> No problem. ...Hmmm...Tzim....You're weakness..will be...

<Malk> Having a clan name no one can say or spell?

<Ventrue> Yes. er..No. ...You..must sleep..in your native soil..or have some
in your coffin...

<Gangrel> WHAT??? I get WEBBED TOES and she has to sleep in DIRT?? What the
HELL!!!

<Tzim> Agreed.

<Gangrel> I want a new one.....

<Nos> Still waiting.....have you forgotten me?

<Silence>

<Ventrue> Moving right along.....Giovanni...Your Kiss hurts.....no pleasure
in your bite.

<Toreador> ::mutters:: You can say THAT again....

<Room looks to Torrie> Oh..sorry..was that outloud?

<Gio> <vq> One off night...plagues you for your unlife...

<Ventrue> Ravnos. You are a criminal by nature.

<Ravnos> ::gives back Ventrue's wallet:: Sorry.

<Ventrue> ::blinks taking it:: Um...no. I meant....::shakes head:: Oookay.
The money too..

<Ravnos> Oh..here..sorry.

<Nos> When do I get one?

<Brujah> <vq> At birth...

<Stifled Laughter>

<Ventrue> Ahem...You over there..Setite...yours is....you don't like the
light..

<Gangrel> OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?? I get a set of BAT wings and he doesn't
like bright lights??

<Malk> Fly my little monkeys...Fllllyyyyy.... ::collapses into giggles::

<Brujah> ::raises hand and Malk winces::

<Set> ::grins:: Agreed..fair and just. ::winks::

<Gangrel> ::points:: He WINKED!! You two had A DEAL SET UP?? .....God DAMN IT
!!! what a crock.

<Nos> If you continuing ignoring me...I will get UGLY.

<Malk> Too late...

<Stifled laughter>

<Ventrue> Am I missing anyone?

<Malk> Do I get Kryptonite?

<Tzim> You, little man, have ENOUGH problems....you don't need an additional
flaw.

<Ventrue> Then it is settled....

<Nos> You have forgotten yourself....and I.

<Brujah> Yeah. Mr.Picky. What is YOUR flaw.

<Ventrue> ::smiles:: I am Picky...about ...what I eat....

<Gangrel> ::stands up throwing chair back:: I am LEAVING!! ::pointing around
the room:: I get udders like a fucking COW and YOU get to sleep in DIRT? YOU
are a fussy eater?YOU Get to look at art...YOU...::finger stops on
Nos::...Okay..I guess it could be worse...

<Nos> I get it. I am the unflawed clan.... gotcha.

<Brujah> ::laughs:: Yup..that's it..

<Ventrue> ::coughs:: Meeting Adjourned.

<Malk, as he follows everyone out> <very quietly singing> "Im a lumberjack
and im ok, i sleep all night and i work all day...."



j'les ai pris sur ce site (pour ceux que ça intéresse): http://malkav.freeshell.org/fun/wod/index.html
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